This can work in one of two ways. Firstly we can choose to avoid other people, situations and tasks e.g. taking time off work, saying no to invites from friends, preferring to stay indoors evenings and weekends etc OR we decide we have the power to impose a similar experience onto others e.g preventing partners, family & friends from mixing with specific people.

Of course, choosing to spend time by yourself is a perfectly normal and healthy way to recharge your batteries. However do you really have the right to isolate someone else in your life?

TIP: It might be wise to explore these unhealthy feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem & confidence, jealousy, domination, plus the need to control your environment and that of others. If this behavior is out of character consider visiting the doctor, as you might be experiencing depression and in need of a conversation with a counsellor.

JOY (happiness)

When was the last time you felt really happy or had a good belly laugh? Adults don’t smile as often as children who respond to life with curiosity and a sense of fun. ‘Joy’ is a positive emotion that generates the spontaneous release of ‘feel-good’ endorphins. Perhaps it’s time to stop taking yourself so seriously, venture out of your comfort zone and experience the freedom of being spontaneous.

TIP: If you are finding it hard to remember what ‘joy’ feels like, try making a fake smile. Surprisingly, moving these muscles still triggers the release of the feel good endorphins. Alternatively watch the effortless way that children play and goof around (and copy them).


Are you holding onto memories from the past? You may have heard the phrase ‘let go and let live’! Sometimes in life we get stuck. At this point you need to find the courage to move on from difficult life events and painful memories. These might be stopping you from embracing a new job, relationship, home environment etc.

TIP : Get yourself a sheet of paper and draw 2 columns. Now weigh up the pros and cons of continuing to run your distressing life movie. What do you stand to lose? what do you stand to gain?


We have an attic full of memories. Every encounter involving our senses creates a memory log of new experiences. Sometimes a trip down memory lane is a good thing, as it triggers great feelings. However regularly dwelling on the bad times can lead to feelings of sadness & melancholy.

TIP: Memories are part of your life history, and we can learn positive ideas about ourselves from them. But allow them to soften and fade with time by spending more time living in the present than the past.


This is a way of communicating in order to settle differences of opinion and to come to an agreement – hopefully without arguing or falling out. It involves bargaining and compromising. Some people are great at it whilst others hate the feeling of losing an argument, or being wrong or feeling humiliated.

TIP: Can you remember a time when someone took the time to really listen and hear what you had to say? Hold onto this idea when negotiating and extend this gift to others, as relationships require valuing one other and seeing alternative points of view.

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